


A Bundle of Artificial Joy

by SheithLover_Voltron



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: College AU, Fake Baby, M/M, Parenting Project, Realistic Doll, baby dolls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-20 17:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13722489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheithLover_Voltron/pseuds/SheithLover_Voltron
Summary: Lance did not expect his semester to be spent with his rival and their scarily realistic fake baby, but fate has mysterious ways of forcing you to realize your true feelings for the person you’re always trying to one-up.But, seriously, fate? Changing diapers at 2 in the morning is not an ideal situation for those feelings to start rearing their heads...





	1. Boys, Meet Your New Baby... Doll?

Keith Kogane and Lance Diaz never really got along well, everyone knew that. Lance seemed to love challenging Keith at almost everything, even something as menial as finding a seat first in every class they were in.

However, nobody expected their Child Development professor to assign the most major project on the first day of school.

As well as have it last the entire two semesters.

* * *

“Alright,” Professor Dean Hansen announces, “I was going to save this project for the second semester, but I figured that we could have some fun for the first semester by doing...”

He brings out a crate labeled “B.P.” The students all groan, besides Keith and Lance, who have no clue what is going on.

“...the Baby Project!”

Oh, so _that’s_ what this is all about. Great... getting stuck looking after a machine? It's every young adult's worst nightmare.

“Now,” Prof. Hansen states happily, “you will learn how to deal with being parents while juggling both school and work. Yes, one or both of you will have to work. These jobs will help pay for extra items should you run out.”

“I hope I’m not the one who gets work,” Lance whispers to Keith, who, surprisingly, is willingly sitting beside the other. Keith just rolls his eyes and doesn’t give his ‘rival’ much attention, as that’s what he wants. The professor brings out a tophat, shaking it.

“Oh, by the way, your partners are whoever is sitting beside you. Now that we’ve cleared that up, in this hat,” he explains, “are strips of paper that will help determine your baby’s gender. If you get green, it’s a boy. Orange, a girl. Once you find out the gender, grab a diaper bag, carseat, first aid kit, and care instruction packet. The diaper bag contains everything you need for the first week, and the first week only, so after that, you’ll have to figure out what to do.”

Keith decides to go up and choose. Lo and behold, he gets an orange slip. Collecting the things he needs, he goes back to his seat next to Lance. While the professor drones on and on about what to expect that, honestly, they can most likely find in the care instruction packet, he and Lance decide to sneak a little peek at their new “baby”.

She looks to be fast asleep, though that most likely won’t be for very long. From what they can see, she is perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes, chubby as a little bunny.

“Wow,” Lance whispers in awe, “she looks so real...” Keith nods, a smile creeping onto his lips as he gazes at the realistic newborn.

“Professor,” a student pipes up from the back row, “what exactly is in the diaper bag besides the things we’ll need for the first week?”

“Excellent question, Shawn,” Hansen replies, “you will also find a birth certificate that you will fill out and bring in to me by this Friday. This will give you plenty of time to think about names, both first and middle.”

“Can we take them out of the carseats yet?” another student questions.

“Yes, you may, but be sure to always support the head when you do, as they are very much alike to real newborns.”

Lance is already unstrapping the little one before the teacher even finishes what he’s saying. Her angelic little face finally comes out to the light, features so strikingly similar to an actual baby’s that they're sure to garner a lot of attention when they take her out in public.

“Awwww,” the proud papa coos, “she’s so little...”

“Can’t wait for when she comes alive and murders us in our sleep,” Keith jokes, “wait.. would that get us a passing or failing grade?”

“I dunno,” Lance answers.

Suddenly, all the dolls come to life. Some of them start crying, some open their eyes and start looking around, but Keith and Lance’s little one awakens by yawning and stretching as if she’d just had a nap. She looks up at Lance, then over at Keith. She has her Daddy Keith’s skin tone and her Papa Lance’s beautiful blue eyes. They’re taken aback slightly by how much she resembles them. Heck, if they didn’t already know that she was a doll, she absolutely would’ve passed off as their biological child.

Lance gently rocks the baby in his arms as Keith digs through the diaper bag, sifting through many onesies and other various necessities for the birth certificate that they're to fill out.

“Wait,” Lance interrupts as Keith pulls the paper out, “we haven’t named her yet.”

“Uh, I know, doofus,” Keith jabs back, “I’m just getting it ready.”

He brings out a pencil and fits a new eraser on top. He and Lance then look over the information already written on by the teacher.

“Congratulations on the birth of your new baby [GIRL]! Name: Blank. Birthdate: [August 3rd.] Weight: [3 lbs, 10 oz.] Parents: Blank.  
This is not a hospital certified birth certificate. Signed: [Professor Dean Hansen].”

“So, any ideas?” Lance asks, shifting the little one over to his other side.

“Mmmm... Olivia?” Keith suggests.

“Nah,” Lance ponders a moment, “oh! How about Diana?”

“...No.”

“Come on, Diana’s a pretty name!”

“We are not naming our child that, though.”

“Then what else do you suggest?”

“We could go for something in literature.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno... Eve? Bella?”

“Absolutely not, we are not naming our daughter after a girl who falls in love with a guy who’s technically a thousand years old.”

“Okay, then what other names do you have in mind? I’d _love_ to hear ‘em.”

“...Juliet?”

“Like, from the play by Shakespeare? ‘Romeo and Juliet’?”

“Yeah.”

They both look down at the little baby doll who is currently occupying herself with suckling her fingers. Lance smiles down at her, leaning forward to place a kiss on her little head.

“So, your place or mine?” Keith asks.

“Yours, but I want my family to meet her first.”

Keith’s face suddenly takes on a forlorn expression, and Lance puts an arm around his shoulders.

“Hey,” he says with a small grin, “I know how hard it is for you to not really know much about your family, but I’m here for you.”

Keith leans on Lance’s shoulder and distracts himself--sorta--by bringing his hand up to stroke Juliet’s little peach fuzz of hair, and she reacts by grabbing his index finger with both hands, staring at it as if she’s curious about what exactly it is. He and Lance both laugh as the little doll then proceeds to put her daddy’s finger in her mouth, suckling as if it’s a pacifier.

“I think she’s trying to reassure you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you for reading! I need some help with names for the Keith-Lance baby. I've decided it would be a little girl because, as much as I want to write about Keith or Lance getting peed on for humorous reasons, I've always been a little bit biased towards girls. So here are ten potential names:  
> Rachel  
> Emily  
> June  
> Leah  
> Scarlett  
> Juliet  
> Addison  
> Olivia  
> Faith  
> Tracey


	2. Bringing Home Baby

Baby Juliet sleeps for most of the car ride to Lance’s mother’s place, Keith constantly checking to see if she was still “breathing”. Lance couldn’t help but smile every time Keith peeked under the blanket, giving him a thumbs up to let him know constantly that she was alright. It was actually very endearing seeing Keith so worried, even though they've only had her for a couple hours.

They reach the big two-story house, and Keith insists on taking her inside by himself, picking her up out of the carseat as if she were a delicate flower and holding her very close to him as he follows Lance up the steps of the porch. Lance rings the doorbell and then calls for his mom.

“Ma, it’s Lance!”

The front door opens to reveal Lance’s sister Veronica.

“Lance!” Veronica greets, opening the screen door and letting her younger brother in. “Ma’s at the hospital right now with Papa.”

“Oh, no,” Lance's tone turns to worry, “is he alright?”

“We don’t know yet, we’re waiting for Ma to call us. Something about his stomach again.”

“Well, do you know when she’ll be back?”

“Should be back within a couple minutes. Why don’t you wait he-?”

Veronica is interrupted by a small whine coming from outside. She turns, and still standing in the doorway is Keith with a little bundle in his arms.

“Lance... when did you adopt a baby?” she asks slowly, facing him with a shocked expression.

Lance fidgets, and then goes over to let Keith in. “Today,” he responds, “but she’s not real, I can assure you that much.”

“Yeah,” Keith says, “she’s for school. We have to care for her for the entire first, and possibly second, semester.”

“Oh,” Veronica replies sincerely, “I’m so sorry for you, hermanito.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Lance shrugs, going over and taking Juliet from Keith, bouncing her in his arms, “I love her already. So does Keith.”

Keith grins and places a kiss to his daughter’s chubby little cheek. She’s so adorable already, though she doesn’t really do much but kick and flail and observe the world around her... hopefully they programmed some type of development or aging mechanism so that he and Lance can see her grow up...

“We have to go,” Lance informs his sister, “because we need to see what we can do with the apartment that Keith rented for us in terms of nursery placement and arrangements.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Veronica says, “I’ll tell Ma you three stopped by.”

“Thanks, Nikki. You’re the best.”

“No problem.”

Lance hugs his sister, and pretty soon, they’re off.

* * *

“Alright, we’ll definitely need to find some swaddling blankets for Juliet,” Lance says as he puts the last of the clothing in a neat folded pile, “as well as more winter stuff because we don’t want her getting cold.”

Keith has the baby in his lap and is playing with her using a little stuffed lion he found in her bag. He looks at Lance and nods, acknowledging what he’d said.

“We’re also going to need drawers and little baskets to organize her stuff,” Lance continues, “but I’m glad you’ve set everything up for the nursery so quickly.”

“Of course,” Keith responds, picking their doll up and cradling her, “anything for my little princess.”

Lance walks over and sits in front of Keith and the baby, looking at her a little more closely.

“I can’t get over how real she looks,” he says, “her details are just amazingly well done.”

“Yeah,” Keith says, “she’s gorgeous.”

Lance grins as Juliet reaches her little arms out to him, cooing. Keith smiles and hands their baby over, making sure that he has a good hold on her before letting go, though he does hesitate a bit.

“Come here, mi preciosa,” Lance coos, bouncing her gently. She starts whining after a while, and Keith looks over from folding a blanket.

“You’re okay, Juliet,” Lance says softly, carrying her out to the kitchen as her whines turn into full-on cries, “shhhhh, beautiful, I know. Papa knows you’re hungry, honey.”

He takes the formula and a bottle out of the diaper bag, Juliet still crying as he places her in the bouncer. She flails her little arms as her wails get louder and her face starts turning red.

“Lance,” Keith chastises, walking out to take their baby out of the bouncer, “you can’t just leave her to cry.”

“Well, she’ll stop when she’s feeding. Please don’t tell me you’re going to be mother henning her.”

“Of course not, I just don’t wanna be hearing her scream for the next couple minutes because her Papa takes too long with making her bottle.”

Keith carries the squirming and screeching doll over to the armchair by the couch, shushing into her ear to hopefully calm her down some.

“Alright, it’s in the pan,” Lance announces proudly.

“Thank God,” Keith says, handing a still-wailing Juliet over to him as he nears. Lance takes her and begins to hum a little random tune as he gently strokes her hair and sways side to side.

At the puzzled look Keith gives him, he states, “My cousins would calm down like this if they were fussy.”

Juliet still cries, even when she’s rocked, and Lance sighs in frustration. He goes over and checks on her bottle, and when it’s warm enough, he takes it out and gently places the nipple into her mouth.

The baby takes the bottle without protest, guzzling it down in record time. As Lance places her over his shoulder to burp her, she hiccups... and then there’s something wet and oddly chunky sliding down the side of his shirt.


	3. First Night

Juliet’s wails pierce the quiet of the small apartment at 11:45 at night. Lance and Keith both groan and roll over to face one another.

“Your turn,” Keith grumbles groggily, arm over his eyes.

“No, it’s yours,” Lance mutters, “I fed her before she went down.”

“I don’t wanna get up,” the raven moans, “Lance, please?”

“C’mon, man,” the brunette whines, “do this one for me.”

Keith huffs and gets up, glaring at his partner as he walks over to their daughter’s bassinet on the other side of the room. He rubs the squealing infant’s stomach, deciding to check her diaper. It’s completely soaked, and he groans quietly, picking Juliet up and taking her in the next room, her nursery, to the changing table.

“Shhhhh, princess, it’s alright, Daddy’s gonna change ya.”

The changing goes surprisingly well, considering this is the first time Keith’s changed a diaper in his life. He even manages to put it on correctly. Thank God that silences her for now, but he knows that she’ll probably end up screaming her little voicebox out again in two to three hours.

Aside from the occasional little whimper from Juliet and the creaking of the rocking chair that Keith sits in with her held tightly against his chest, all is quiet.

Finally, he sees her eyes slowly close, and he can’t help the smile that forces its way onto his face. As her simulated breaths slow down some, he gets up with her held closely to him and goes back into his and Lance’s room.

“Keith?” he hears from across the room.

“She’s alright, Lance, just needed a change.”

“Oh,”—a glance over to the clock that reads 12:13—“got her to sleep on your own?”

Keith places a blanket over Juliet’s legs, turns the mobile back on, and leans down to give her a kiss to her forehead, chuckling as her little face scrunches up for a second before relaxing.

“Yeah...”

Lance gives a smile and lays back down as Keith joins him under the covers.


End file.
